As I continue to think about the talents I've hidden away, I've also been thinking about the people I've hidden away. As much as I complain about not having anyone to lean on and no friends to rely on, I know that it wouldn't be true if I would stop making it true.
I have had many issues over the years of complaining that I don't have anyone. Except that I could have, if I hadn't pushed them all away.
Granted, I haven't pushed them all away myself, but I did let it happen. Some got driven away by other people thinking that it was their place to control my life. Others, I drove away in a misguided attempt to "protect" them so that they didn't go through what the others did. My question to myself now, however, is, Did I do it to protect them, or to protect me? Have I really tried to protect them from the damage, or did I do it to keep myself to myself and able to do what I wanted (hide) without having to defend myself, because I knew I was the one who was wrong? Was I protecting myself for the right reasons (to avoid the hurt and damage) or for the wrong reason (to be lazy and make sure I didn't have to be accountable for myself and my choices)?
My next task is to put on my hard hat and my work boots and get busy reconnecting my island to civilization. I want to restore and rebuild old bridges and create some new ones. I need to rebuild my connections to the "real" world and quit isolating myself out of a misguided fear of rejection and a sense of not being accountable because I want to do things my way, which may not be the right way.
Lord,
Please continue to show me the path You want me to take and give me opportunities and reasons to use the talents You gave me. You gave me these talents for a reason, please help me see the reasons and stand by my side to help me get through the path and face my fears. I want to be what You meant me to be.
Amen
No comments:
Post a Comment