The Parable of the Talents

Today we heard the parable of the talents, in which the Lord gave each of three servants some talents to work with while he was away. Two invested their talents and earned more, while the third hid his in fear and did nothing with it. His talent was taken away and given to the one who had worked the hardest.

I have come recently to realize that I have been the third servant. I have hidden my talents, and myself, from those around me. I have allowed my hurt to overcome me and my distrust of people to make me hide myself away and not show what I am truly made of. I have other people decide my worth and how important I am. I have let them have me believe that I do not count, my feelings do not count and no one cares about my feelings, my opinions, my talents or my worth.

Whether I have been hiding for self-protection or for some misguided attempt at protecting others, I have been hiding. I have been hurt by so many people in the past, that it has been my habit of taking the easy road and  just hiding from them in order to not get hurt. If I'm not there, they have nothing to criticize or hurt. They can find another target. It hasn't worked. It has just given them another reason to use hurtful words and actions and then just leave me behind. It's no wonder I have always felt on the outside looking in, I have put myself there and then blamed others for it! 

The misguided attempt to protect others from the damaging train wreck of my life hasn't worked either. It's just another excuse to hide myself and not open myself up. I drive them away so that I don't have to worry about when I will be hurt. Pretty selfish of me. And pretty hurtful to them. I keep wondering why I have no close friends, but it's because of me. Such a harsh realization to come to.

The problem with realization is that it is not action. To see what is wrong is one thing; to fix it is another matter altogether. I must somehow bring myself to overcome my doubts and my distrust and use the talents that the Lord gave me to do something in this world.

I once made a mistake of assuming I knew what I wanted and that God would go along with me. I have since learned that my ego got the best of me. The Lord has decided he was waited long enough to show me my errors in a way I could no longer ignore. He has been so patient with me, and I think it is high time I finally gave Him my attention and quit putting off what I have known for a long time He has been asking me to do. I need to finally deal with the hurt and the anger and move on down the path He has chosen to show me. I have asked for His help and His support as I finally go down the path He has shown me and try to reach the destination He wants me to reach. I have asked for the courage to travel down the path and the help and support to get through the obstacles that will be in my way. I have always had my faith, it is high time I put it to use and found out what the Lord has in store for me.

I have felt so lost for so long, it is about time I finally asked the Man in Charge for directions to where I am supposed to go. Now, can I follow them?

My goal for this week: find one new way to share my talents. It's what God wants of me.